I Have a Love-Hate Relationship with Breastfeeding

I went in thinking breastfeeding would come naturally because that's what nature intended for boobs. They're supposed to effortlessly feed your spawn. At least according to all the baby-related advertisements I've ever seen on TV. Almost 3 months later, I've come to my own conclusion: this shit is hard, y'all.

Kari thinks it's okay to flip me off while simultaneously demanding a service.

As of today, my baby is 2 months and 23 days old. That's 2 months and 23 days of having a small gremlin attached to my nipples. And let me tell you something. It still hurts like a motherfucker. After the first month passed and breastfeeding still hurt, I started to ask questions. I mean, it's not supposed to hurt after the first few weeks, right? Well, it turns out she had a lip and tongue tie. It explained her difficulty coordinating her suck-swallow-breathe. My overactive letdown didn't help anything, either. So finally, July 28th, we had her ties clipped. Worst experience ever. It was the first time she cried actual tears and she was miserable for the rest of the day. I hoped it would get better immediately but no such luck. There wasn't really a difference at all. Even now, I have to flip her top and bottom lips out for her because she likes to turtle when she latches. And I can still feel her tongue rubbing against the tip of my nipple when she eats. She doesn't drown herself very much anymore, at least. Though I think that came more with age and time than the frenectomy. I've been pumping and bottle-feeding by day and nursing by night because my nipples were (and still are) permanently chafed. I don't know home many times I've told my husband, "This is it. I can't do this anymore. I'm just going to exclusively pump." And each time, I couldn't bring myself to take breastfeeding away from my sweet baby because of the comfort she gets from it. So here we are, 3 months later, still painfully breastfeeding. Hey, at least she's happy. The pain is worth it for her to be happy. Every now and then I still think about quitting and exclusively pumping, but then I look at Kari and I can't quit. I've decided to give her until she's 4 months old before I reconsider. I'm hoping it'll stop hurting by then. If not, I'll give myself permission to exclusively pump...maybe. We'll see. This weekend wasn't too bad. I pretty much exclusively breastfed her the whole time and she didn't do too shabby. That's what gives me hope. And sore nipples.